We Don't Like You Either

I deplore bigots. And I do so for more than just the commonly expressed reasons that bigotry is morally wrong, or that it goes against the precept that all people are equal under the law. That should be evident to anyone with at least a modicum of decency and fairness.

But there are other less moralistic reasons why the intolerant tick me off.

In the first place, have you ever noticed (unless of course you are one yourself) that bigots are terribly boring people? Few things will chill a conversation quicker than someone suddenly launching into an indictment against a particular race or ethnicity. "You know, it's those damn _________s that are causing all the problems," is the typical opening. That stated, the unfortunate listener is then subjected to a litany of reasons why this entire segment of society—without exception—should be deported, barred, repressed, disenfranchised or (and it's frightening how wantonly this is suggested) nuked en masse. What makes these wholesale denunciations so tediously dumb are the mindless arguments presented in support of them. (eg., Jimmy the Greek Snyder's notorious anthropological dissertation on black athletes.)

Which brings us to another unflattering characteristic of bigots. Ignorance. Yes, even those who may be otherwise intelligent can be prejudicially stupid. For why else would they fail to consider that people other than the targeted group might be offended by their crude remarks? The infuriating assumption is that you are a bigot, too—eager and poised to join in on their verbal lynching. And doesn't it occur to them that prejudice expressed against one group often suggests underlying prejudice against others? Meaning, what is this person saying about me when I'm not around? But the ignorant, in their ignorance, seem only too happy to display it.

Bigots are an abundant source of embarrassment, too. Inevitably, you'll find them of varying stripes and intensities in the workplace, and there's always at least one stashed away in the family somewhere. Where do you hide them? How do you keep them and their twisted ideas muzzled at business meetings, weddings and other functions?

It is no surprise that men have the monopoly on bigotry, at least when it comes to advertising it. Often it is used as an expression of machismo to impress other men, especially when one has little else upstairs to bank on. In my own experience, I have found that if a man has biases, it takes but a half hour of casual conversation for him to reveal what they are. The disclosure is usually preceded by subtle probing to establish that I am not of the Jewish, Italian, Hispanic, or other ethnic group he is intent on trashing before he goes into his repertoire. (And you don't want to sit next to one of these guys on a long airplane flight.)

Probably the most spineless of malcontents are those who get their kicks disparaging women. To discredit in your presence an entire gender—especially that of your wife and mother—is unforgivable.

As difficult as enduring such prejudicial put-downs is knowing how to respond to them. My usual reaction is one of silence—letting the racial slur or the crass joke resonate in its ugliness. Were I a better man, perhaps, I would assail the offender with an angry rebuke and sever all diplomatic relations. But stunned dismay at these moments leaves me at a loss for words of articulate reproof—and the prejudiced, unfortunately, are too entwined in the fabric of our culture to effectively avoid.

My message to them is this. If they are really intent on finding someone utterly repugnant at which to direct their animosity and contempt, they might want to take a closer look at themselves.